A cowboy’s new bride changes her tune as time rolls on and she becomes a hardened, experienced ranch wife.
I knew Jim was a cowboy when we met, but I married him anyway. I loved watching him scoop loop big calves on the edge of the herd and hearing his bronc riding tales. It’s now seven years, eight ranches and three kids later, and I still enjoy the way he tells a good cowboy story.
However, there are a few things that have changed during my evolution from a newlywed bride to a veteran cowboy’s wife:
Newlywed Bride: Honey, I have this vision of living in a really remote camp, so far from town that we only go in once a month. Maybe once every two months. You can rope the cows, I can grow the vegetables, and we’ll both read by lantern light when the sun goes down.
Veteran Cowboy’s Wife: Are you seriously moving us to another cow camp? You know that I know that other wives have washing machines AND dryers, right? Does this place come with cows in the front yard already installed, or do we have to wait a week before they show up? Should we bring a pack rat to put under the front porch, or does it already have one?
Newlywed Bride: Honey, one of your friends gave me a horse for a wedding present! Isn’t that terrific? We got a new horse! Yay! What’s wrong? Why don’t you look happy?
Cowboy Husband: Because I’ve known that guy for years, and there is probably a darn good reason he didn’t want to ride the SOB.
Veteran Cowboy’s Wife: Someone tried to give us another horse today, so I shot him.
Cowboy Husband: The guy or the horse?
Veteran Wife: Would you be mad if I said both?
Cowboy Husband: Only if the horse was well bred.
Newlywed Wife: I hope our new baby looks like you.
Veteran Cowboy’s Wife: Why do all our babies look like you?! I WAS THERE, TOO!
Newlywed Wife: Jeez, do those catch dogs ever stop barking? I haven’t slept in a week!
Veteran Cowboy’s Wife: Why aren’t the hound dogs howling tonight? I kind of need their singing to lull me to sleep.
Newlywed Wife: Aww, thanks for backing up the truck and trailer. That’s so sweet of you to always offer to do that for me.
Veteran Cowboy’s Wife: Okay, I am trying to place the hinge side of the trailer door flush against the alleyway fence post, but I am not understanding those gestures. Does that mean “go forward” or “slow down?” It would be really helpful if you didn’t look so tense. Do you feel tense? Maybe you need to go to the chiropractor, Honey. You know how you get so grumpy when your back hurts. Does your back hurt? Does that gesture mean “go left?” Your left or my left? Oh, wait—we’re facing the same way. So your left is the same as my left. Hehe! Why aren’t you laughing? You gotta learn to laugh at the little things, Honey. I think a good spinal adjustment would do wonders for your attitude. Do you want me to make an appointment right now? My cell phone is right here, I can make a quick call. Okay, I’m not understanding those gestures again . . . Does that mean “stop” or “you’re about to hit a rock?” Okay, I know what THAT gesture means!