Neu Perspectives

Wanted: The Perfect Horse

Skimming the equine classifieds can offer comic relief for anyone who has ever bought or sold a horse.

Photo by Ross Hecox

When I was younger, I would fiddle around with writing poetry. It was never anything notable nor particularly clever, but I always had fun trying to put words together in a poetic format. I haven’t been inspired to do so in quite some time, but I’ve been particularly amused lately by the “In Search Of” ads on equine social media pages. The subject matter also seems to be a theme of phone calls and emails that I receive regarding anything I may have for sale in my barn. I hope it is met with good humor and a chuckle.

ISO-Horse For Sale

So many things to consider and know
When picking a horse on which your saddle you’ll throw

He’s got to have withers and a back that is strong
But I don’t want it short, or for gosh sake too long

His hocks must be low, and his neck should curve high
With a little doll head and a heart full of try

He should travel like water, so fluid and smooth
And folks will all say “Wow, how pretty he moves!”

Surefooted and able, intelligent, kind
With stamina, speed and a sensible mind

His hip should be stout, and he holds a rope tight
Should we get in a wreck, why, he’s always alright

He’s a show pen veteran, solid and fair
If we’re out of the money, it’s just pilot error

His hard, barefoot feet travel perfectly straight
As he trots down the fence to meet at the gate

Athletic and pretty—he’s got papers no less
And his sire and dam boast of only the best

Yes, when choosing my horse, he’s got to rise to the top
A phenomenal gelding, the cream of the crop

I want refinement and brains and cow sense and bone…
Oh who am I kidding, I just want a roan.

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